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Me looking out over the Gulf of
Mexico at age 17. My sister Diane
loves this picture...she knows her
brother is a deep thinker (1977). |
I love to travel.
When I was a kid, we took summer family vacations to places like Yellowstone Park, the Colorado mountains, and the badlands and black hills of South Dakota. There was something thrilling about it. I was constantly amazed by the new sights, sounds, and the interesting people we met. My imagination would run wild pondering what life would be like to live in such places, to be able to explore all the beautiful places that must be hidden beyond each horizon!
When I was 19, I made my first "international" trip to Mexico. I was with my uncle and two cousins and we traveled in an old black, 1960 Cadillac. I could tell some interesting stories about that trip but the point is that it really opened up my world in new and exciting ways. It was the first time I was in a situation where I was in the minority...i.e., I couldn't speak the native language and other people looked at us like the strange ones. It motivated me to start learning Spanish, although it didn't last too long. In central Nebraska in the late 1970's there wasn't anybody to practice speaking Spanish with. There was an ache somewhere inside me, an emptiness that I thought could be filled if only I could travel more and experience this thrill more often.
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Me in western Montana/Northern Idaho in 1983 after 3 months
of working on a cattle ranch (and not shaving or getting a haircut). |
During my college years I went on a student exchange program to the University of Idaho in Moscow, Idaho. It is beautiful around Moscow and nearby Pullman, Washington. I enjoyed exploring the nooks and crannies of the countryside during my time there. But what I remember most about that time was being very lonely. I had a lot of friends there, but there was still an emptiness that I couldn't really define but knew was very real. Part of it was that I thought I would be happier if I had a girlfriend to enjoy the experiences with (I was pretty shy). But that is a different story for a different post.
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My daily work on a cattle ranch near Harrison, Montana,
against a spectacular backdrop of the Tobbacco Root Mtns (1983) |
At the end of the first semester of my exchange program to the Univ. of Idaho, I decided to take a semester off and headed for Montana to work on a cattle ranch. It was something I always wanted to do and somewhere inside I thought I could find fulfillment and happiness by going on this adventure. January isn't a good time to find work on a cattle ranch in Montana, but miraculously I did find one right away (that is also a cool story for another time). I lived about six miles from the base of the Tobacco Root mountains just west of Harrison, Montana (near Bozeman). I worked on the ranch against a backdrop of spectacular scenery. The loneliness, or ache in my heart only increased though. This was lonely country with few people around. I worked there for about three months and headed back to Nebraska to work on a wildlife refuge for the summer before continuing college.
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Chicako (Japan), me (center), and Hans (Germany) on top of
Ayers Rock in the Outback of Australia (1986).
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After I graduated from college I strapped on a backpack and headed for New Zealand and Australia for about six weeks. There are some beautiful and interesting places in the "Land Down Under". I saw the Australian Outback, the Great Barrier Reef, Sydney and Melbourne, and the Great Ocean Road to name a few places. I loved the Australian accent and the sense of humor that the Aussies and Kiwis had. I traveled with other travelers from Europe and other parts of the world. It was exciting. But at the same time, the ache inside of me didn't go away. There was still an emptiness there that I couldn't really define. I carried my Bible with me and believed in God, but somehow it wasn't filling me with the peace I thought it should have. On one occasion while staying at a Youth Hostel I became aware of a man from California who was psychologically a mess. Apparently he was struggling desperately to find any meaning in life and wasn't finding much hope. At the time I was traveling with a man from England, named Ian Butcher. We had bantered back and forth about faith and Christianity in the preceding days, and after we saw this man Ian told me that I now had an opportunity to share my faith. But I didn't do it. I was afraid to, perhaps because I didn't feel the peace myself. I have thought of that man over the years and have prayed for him.
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| Me in the Austrian Alps in 1989. |
By now you can see there is a theme going here, namely searching for happiness and peace through travel but never finding it. And I was always a slow learner. I would go on to travel in Europe and many other places around the United States but the story was the same. I loved the stimulation of travel but it didn't fill the emptiness inside.
It is different now. Through a series of events in my life (described in the next few posts:
A Wild and Untamed God;
Coming to the End of Myself; &
Beauty for Ashes), I became aware that my perception of God was distorted. I subconsciously was viewing him as a harsh, rigid God. A sort of "Cosmic Cop" who was judging my every action and condemning me for constantly falling short. How could I ever find any kind of peace and fulfillment with a God like that? I have described how I now view God in other posts (which I deeply believe and have experienced as more accurate; for examples see
Restoration, Not Religion, and my reviews of the book
Beautiful Outlaw after reading the first chapter and again
after I had read the entire book!). Now when I travel (which I still love to do), I experience the thrills and joys WITH God. As I see new sights and sounds and meet new people, I praise him for his marvelous creation and his creativity, and for letting me share in it! Now finally the ache, the emptiness inside me has been filled...with an intimacy with the God who created me and who created all the world! Travel didn't fill it, nor could it ever have filled it.
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| Me enjoying coffee at Renaca Beach, along the coast of Chile (2009). |
I still love to travel. But instead of searching for happiness through travel, I can enjoy travel more because the ache and emptiness that had been inside me has been filled by God!
The earth is the LORD’s and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein (Psalms 24:1).
