A Mysterious, Beautiful Fog

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth -

Put out my hand and touched the Face of God.

From poem High Flight, by John Gillespie Magee, Jr.

Sitting by a Piper Pawnee C, which I flew as an aerial applicator

Dang! I thought to myself as I woke up at 5 am that Sunday morning in the summer of 1980. I had hoped and prayed to awaken to the sound of a strong wind or perhaps rain outside. But besides a few crickets, all I heard was silence. I peered anxiously out my window and could see the stars shining brightly. It looked like a beautiful day for crop dusting, and therein laid my dilemma.

One week earlier my pastor had asked if I would read Scripture at church on this Sunday morning. I was excited and honored to be asked, and readily accepted. However, even as I accepted I felt trepidation about asking my boss at the airport if I could take off a couple of hours to go to church. He was a stern man and not a churchgoer. And in the business of crop dusting you flew whenever the weather was agreeable, no questions asked. But I figured sometime during the week I would find an opportunity (and the nerve) to ask for time off.

Well, you’ve probably guessed that one week later, on the Sunday I was scheduled to read at church (my name was probably in the program too), I hadn’t yet asked my boss. Okay, not the most responsible, I’ll admit. But I was for the most part afraid of my boss, and especially of what his reaction would likely be to my request (like maybe come at me with an axe or something! Maybe I’m exaggerating, but only a little)!

As I pedaled my bicycle down to the airport, which was only one mile from my home, I contemplated and prayed about how I might handle this. Finally, like any good procrastinator, I decided I would fly a couple of loads and then ask my boss closer to 10:30 am (when church began). I reasoned (okay, hoped against hope) that MAYBE he would be more willing to give me a couple of hours off, if I worked a few hours first.

Later that morning as I nosed my airplane back towards the airport, I knew that show-time had arrived and I either had to ask for time off or take the coward’s route – to just let it go and then tell my pastor I couldn’t get off work. Oh man, I had been so sure I should accept my pastor’s invitation and was genuinely sorry I had let it go this far. I prayed that somehow this would turn out well despite my bungling.

As I approached the airport, I could not have been prepared for what would happen next. I noticed a few
wisps of fog moving up from the river, which was about ½ mile from the airport. No big deal, I thought, as this late in the morning the fog probably wouldn’t amount to much; fog was rarely an issue, and even then only around dawn. But I had no sooner landed my airplane when the fog closed in so thick that there was no way we could fly. I was still processing this when my boss stunned me by telling me that I might as well go home until the fog lifted (he easily could have found work for me to do at the airport).

What could I say? This was no coincidence. The timing was too perfect. This was a very personal response from God to my desperate prayers, and a rescue from my mishandling of this situation. I raced home, changed clothes, and made it to church just in time. Interestingly, the fog stayed during the entire church service! After church, the fog lifted and I was flying again by early afternoon. I don’t think I ever told my boss about any of this.

Slipping the surly bonds of Earth in my Piper Cub!

Now, more than 30 years later, I clearly remember the events of that morning. In my heart, I know I experienced a miracle - a small one, perhaps, but a miracle, nonetheless. Through it I learned something about God’s wonderful nature and was drawn closer to him.

Perhaps this seems a small deal. And it may beg the question of why other prayers seemingly go unanswered – big prayers; life and death prayers. I don’t have all the answers but I believe the Apostle Paul was speaking to this when he said: Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7). These verses instruct us to thank God even before we know the outcome of our prayers; that we are not to be anxious but to trust that no matter how he answers, he is good and will give us a supernatural peace.

God may not always send a “fog” to rescue me from difficult situations, but I am slowly learning that he is always near, he is in control, and I can trust him in any situation.

Let Mercy Come

"So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done"
                    Linkin Park

Regrets
The 2007 song by Linkin Park, "What I've Done", is another example of how popular music reflects a broken humanity (listen below or click the following link to listen on YouTube: https://youtu.be/8sgycukafqQ). This song stunningly describes a desperate need that, although not acknowledged in the song, is answered directly by Christianity. (1)

 

Who among us doesn't have regrets for things we've done? The thing is, how do we cope with them? Especially if they have resulted in shame, anxiety, depression, despair, hopelessness, etc. 
Haunted by the Past
Many years ago I watched a PBS special about a man who had served in the Chinese Army during the Cultural Revolution. As a young soldier he was impressionable and wanted to please his "superiors" (commanding officers); perhaps he also feared what would happen to him if he didn't carry out their orders. Although he inherently knew it was wrong, he apparently had executed and possibly even tortured people. Now, many years later, the horrific images of what he had done were tormenting him. No matter what he tried, he couldn't shake the regrets of the past, and his life was shattered. 

Forgive Myself
The song by Linkin Park takes a stab at what we should do:

"I'll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done!!!"

The song acknowledges that "sins" from the past must be faced and dealt with. But consider this statement from a person trying to cope with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)(2).

"I was wrong, even though it's over.....the shame.....it is so deep, so embedded. ...[nothing] will ever change the fact that I did it. Oh geeze, why would I go against my most fundamental beliefs? How can I ever forgive myself? How can I live with myself? As hard as I work at overcoming.......that shame will never disappear."

Pain doesn't have to come from PTSD to make forgiveness of oneself impossible. Consider this excerpt from another, older popular song (Careless Whispers, by George Michaels) about regret from being unfaithful to a lover:

Time can never mend
Guilty feelings...
Though it's easy to pretend
And to the heart and mind,
Ignorance is kind.
There's no comfort in the truth,
Pain is the home you'll find.

I applaud Linkin Park for recognizing a deep-seated need in the human soul to be forgiven, to cleanse ourselves from the "sins" of our past. But their solution, while on the right track, falls very short. Simply trying to forgive myself by the power of my own will may the best our post-modern, secular world has to offer, but true forgiveness requires much more. Hear how an old saint describes what typically happens when we try to accomplish something like this by using our own strength:

What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise...I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it...My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question? (3) 

He Took the Punishment that Made Us Whole
We are entering Passion Week, depicting the entrance of Jesus Christ into Jerusalem and his subsequent torture, crucifixion, and resurrection from the dead. The events of that week are powerfully described in chapters 18-20 of the book of John; I urge you to read it!

But to make a long story short, the cost of our forgiveness is high, much greater than we can muster through our own strength. Receiving forgiveness requires a power from beyond ourselves. That is why the crucifixion of Christ is so crucial to Christianity, because it represents true payment and the ONLY way to find relief from and forgiveness for our sins. Seven hundred years before Christ, the prophet Isaiah foretold what would be accomplished by Jesus on the cross:

Surely he took up our pain
    and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
    stricken by him, and afflicted. 
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
    each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
    the iniquity of us all. (4)

We are promised that if we accept his sacrifice on our behalf, we are no longer condemned; we are forgiven! That is what the blood of Christ accomplished, and it is the only form of forgiveness that can give you real peace. Here is how it is described:

With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ’s being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death. (5)

If you feel the need for forgiveness, it is available to you. Why not accept the only forgiveness that is genuine, deep, healing, and everlasting? 

Footnotes:

Something to Believe In

Popular music is filled with lamenting over a brokenness, an emptiness in humanity that we all feel. The Good News of the Gospel speaks directly to that very real dilemma.

Tattoo of a cross on the arm of
Bret Michaels', lead vocalist of

the rock band "Poison".

The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me
    because God anointed me.
He sent me to preach good news to the poor,
    heal the heartbroken,
Announce freedom to all captives,
    pardon all prisoners.  Isaiah 61:1

Pain in our post-modern culture 
I was working out in the (newly expanded) Kansas State Recreation Center recently and heard blaring over the speakers an old song by the band Poison from the early 90's called Something to Believe In. The song resonates with something that runs deep in all of us. Namely, that we need something beyond and bigger than ourselves to anchor us, to hold onto. We need it at all times, but especially when storms of life come, such as through the death of a friend or family member or even when we become disillusioned by the widespread pain, corruption, hypocrisy, etc. in the world around us.

I always liked the song, so I looked it up online and listened to it on YouTube (listen below if you like). As I listened, I read some of the comments posted about the song. Here is a sample:

"Listened to this song after I got fired from a job I was at for 8 years. I was just having a lot of problems...I felt I lost everything that I held close to my heart."

"Sitting here and i am lonely, but hopefully there is someone who loves me or is thinking about me.."

"This song hit me like a ton of rocks. I'm always hiding behind a cloak of icy coldness and trying to act tough and be accepted. But inside, I'm just a lonely dude who has few friends...Girls won't even give me the time of day, or so it seems. Like I said, I'm just another lonely soul."

That last comment reminded me of another comment written in 2007 by Brad Delp, who was the lead singer in one of my favorite 1970's bands Boston. Delps wrote in a note: "I am a lonely soul", and then he committed suicide.

Clearly there is something written into our DNA that causes us to yearn for something meaningful and deeply personal in our lives.

Something - Anything, or Something True to Believe In?

Speaking for myself, I need something that is true, substantive, and that speaks to the deep, gnawing questions that wake me in the middle of the night. I have written elsewhere in this blog about why I believe faith in Jesus Christ meets all of these criteria and thus, provides true hope that is "an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." (1) (2)

Consider the things Jesus told us:

"If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Rivers of living water will brim and spill out of the depths of anyone who believes in me" (John 7:37-38)

"...surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:20)


Also, consider these excerpts from God's Word that have comforted me during troubled times:

"God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging." (Psalms 46:1-3)


The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
    he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
    through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me. (Psalms 23:1-4)

For Those Familiar with the Song Mentioned

If you are familiar with the song Something to Believe In, it raises questions about the dishonesty of some preachers, the problem of pain in our world, and even the striking disparity between the very poor and the very rich in our world. All fodder for rich discussion, perhaps in future posts if you are interested. It is helpful for me to realize that the folks who gave Jesus the most trouble were the religious leaders of his day. I implore you not to reject Jesus and all he offers simply because you may have encountered unjust preachers or perhaps self-righteous, hypocritical "Christians" who claim to represent Jesus. Take an honest look at the man himself, consider the words he said and the life he lived, and decide for yourself.

Jesus IS the real deal and he loves us all. He is the answer to loneliness, meaninglessness, hopelessness, and all other maladies of our human condition.


Footnotes:

Les Miserables - Life Killed the Dream I Dreamed

“If I speak with the tongues of men and angels but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” I Corinthians 13:1.

Me, Go to a Musical?

They say music is the language of men and angels.

I was skeptical as I went to the see the movie Les Miserables, because I am not a big fan of musicals. I had seen the 1998, non-musical version of Les Miserables starring Liam Neeson, which was very good. Perhaps viewing that version helped me to follow the musical version now showing at the theaters; I don't know. But the bottom line was that I was not prepared for how much this movie would move me. It literally brought me to tears not once, but many times through the movie (watch trailer below or click here).

Hope and Joy  This movie powerfully brings you through themes of tragedy and destitution, merciless legalism and self righteousness, mercy and redemption, and freedom, love, and self-sacrifice. There is a scene where Ann Hathaway, at the depths of despair, sings a beautiful but heart-wrenching song that concludes:  I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living...Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

But there was one man, Jean Valjean, who intervened in her world. I'm not going to go through a step-by-step review of the movie. But one thing this movie caused in me was self examination. How do I respond to people? Do I judge them based on outward appearance? Do I love them, especially if it requires involvement and self-sacrifice? I wish I could say I have always acted in love. But as is so elegantly demonstrated in this movie, there is hope. Any of us can change...we can be redeemed and transformed. Indeed, the lives of others may count on it. For you never know when you may be the only person who can make a difference in in someone else's life.(1)

I highly recommend that you see this movie. With a great cast (Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe, Anne Hathaway, and Amanda Seyfried), great cinematography, and most of all a great message, its a pretty sure bet you won't be disappointed. Footnotes:

Our Need for Adventure

"There is no substitute for exploring, crossing over into the unknown to see what's there. And that goes for all exploring; the physical, the intellectual and even the spiritual. Often they are all combined." 
Peter Jenkins, author of Walk Across America.

My First Skydiving Experience 
I'll admit I was scared as I hung from the strut of a Cessna 182 airplane, the wind blasting 70+ mph in my face, waiting for the nod from my skydiving instructor to let go and begin my 3,500 ft solo descent to the ground. Of course, my hope was that it would be a slow and gentle descent, but there was no guarantee. As I released my grip I was citing these words: For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it (1). (click on the link below, or http://youtu.be/lCddpdOOL58, to witness my first skydive!).

Risk or Resignation
What did Jesus mean when he spoke about the necessity of losing our lives for his sake? I think it means that following him will require letting go of that which seems necessary, in order to find that which is vital (for example, finding our calling or individual purpose for being here). Jim Elliott, the famous missionary who was killed in South America by the natives he was evangelizing, put it this way: He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose. This "letting go" requires trusting God, following his call, and stepping out into the unknown. Alternatively, we can play it safe and avoid that risk. In my opinion, too many people have done that, with the result being what Thoreau described as the mass of men [leading] lives of quiet desperation.

This path seems to invite one to explore the wonders
of the Pacific Ocean! Shore Acres State Park, Oregon.

Gracious uncertainty - the mark of the spiritual life
In Genesis 1, God created the world...which included a lot of spectacularly wild and unexplored places...he then called it all good and told us to "Take charge and be responsible for them" (2).  This challenge was to be conducted in tandem with God, which required that we trust his goodness and leading. Following God means that he may ask us to step into the unknown, out of our comfort zone, in order to accomplish that which we were created to do. Oswald Chambers said that To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should rather be an expression of breathless expectation (3).

Walking along the Oregon Coast north of Florence. There
is something mesmerizing, almost eternal about the ocean
waves.

Into the Unknown
When I let go of that airplane that day in 2004, it was symbolic of my desire to let go of everything that hinders...[and to] run with perseverance the race marked out for [me], fixing [my] eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith (4).

Moving into the unknown doesn't have to mean jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. Relationship with God means that he will prompt you to move in the direction he is calling you. Our ability to hear his call may require a break in our routine, to get away from the noise and distraction of daily life for awhile. Perhaps this could mean traveling to a new place to explore unknown nooks and crannies. Or perhaps simply moving out of your comfort zone.

Howard Macey said The spiritual life cannot be made suburban...it is always frontier and we who live in it must accept and even rejoice that it remains untamed. My prayer is that you and I will find our place in this frontier and learn to rejoice in all that it means.

Footnotes:

The Magic of Christmas- After Christmas

My doctor sure knows how to decorate his landscape for
Christmas! We had to stop and gaze awhile.

Angels are in Flight.
It's the magic of the night.
Enya, The Magic of the Night

Christmas Day (2012) is over. Many folks suffer effects from After-Christmas Blues, Post-Christmas Blahs, etc. But how can the thrill of Christmas that was felt just a few days ago have vanished so quickly?

The Thrill of Hope, A Weary World Rejoices
I recall lamenting my after-Christmas blues to a Christian friend more than 30 years ago and I've never forgotten his startling answer. "The thrill doesn't have to go away", he said, "For me, every day is like Christmas". I have contemplated the meaning of his statement occasionally over the years (usually right after Christmas), and to me it means this:

Because of what Christmas represents...God becoming human through the birth of Jesus...God can now reside in our hearts every day and every night! (1,2) We can carry within us continuously that "thrill of hope"  mentioned in the song O Holy Night, that "Deeper Magic" referred to in The Chronicles of Narnia (C.S. Lewis).

Not that we will always FEEL that thrill, or that we will always be happy, but it can give us a genuine sense of peace...a peace that only true hope can bring. After all, Jesus was called the "Prince of Peace" (3)! The Good News is that this thrill, hope, and peace is available to anyone asks for it! 

The Magic of the Night
I love this song by Enya, and even after Christmas Day it brings me joy to listen to it. If you haven't heard it, or if you have heard it and would like to listen again, I've posted it in the link below (if you can't see the link, click here: http://youtu.be/zp3eL3nRfSo). For some reason it won't play on mobile devices, as of this posting.

 Question: What does my friend's comment about carrying Christmas with oneself every day mean to you?

Footnotes:

Chance Encounter with a Tidepool Sculpin?

Just for a moment I was back at school, and felt that old familiar pain. And as I turned to make my way back home, The snow turned into rain --
Dan Fogelberg, Same Old Lang Syne.

Tidepool Sculpin. Photo by Stuart Wilson (used with permission).

In late June I spent several hours in solitude along the Oregon Coast, in the late afternoon & early evening. It was a wondrous time, filled with the beauty of God's creation. As I walked I sensed his presence, like he was intentionally delighting in showing me the intricacies of his handiwork. I saw many birds such as gulls, cormorants, and ducks, including three species I had never seen before. I also saw sea anemones, clams, mussels, and starfish, all while hearing the surf crash against the line of rocks just offshore (50 yards or so out from the beach, pictured below), sometimes with a very powerful clap.

There were many tide pools at this beach, and I stopped by one to study it. While I was peering into the water I noticed a barely discernible, ghostlike movement on the bottom - almost like the floor of the tide pool itself was moving. Upon closer inspection I noticed the movement was small fish, which I later identified as tidepool sculpins (pictured above). I stayed there studying their patterns for a long time because I wanted to be able to identify them later. All at once, I realized one of them seemed to be studying me! It was looking at me, and slowly, incrementally was moving closer to me, somewhat under the cover of some sparse leaves of sea weed. There seemed to be a kind of playfulness in its behavior, and that it was as curious of me as I was of it. This went on for quite some time. It was an absolutely beautiful experience and I knew God was romancing me, speaking to me through it.

Seal Rock State Park, Oregon, where I spent an
incredible June afternoon and evening!

Learning about an artist through their work
John Eldredge, in a chapter entitled "Is Jesus Really Playful?" (Beautiful Outlaw), noted that we can learn a lot about an artist by observing their work...that the personality of the artist leaks through their work. God included. In speaking of how the playfulness of their family dog made them laugh, Eldredge stated:

"[Our dog's playfulness] makes us laugh every time. And no one taught him to do this. He came that way. God created him so. It might seem an odd place to begin a search for Jesus, but this is very close to where John begins his Gospel: Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made (John 1:3)...[Jesus] reveals himself through nature, as the Scriptures testify. This will open up wonders for you about the personality of Jesus - look at his works of art."

Chance Encounter?? Not a Chance!!
I can't stress enough how my interpretation of such seemingly "chance" encounters as with the tidepool sculpin has changed from my college biology days; I have written in other posts about how the naturalist, secular view, so prevalent at American universities, dimmed the meaning and wonder I had previously felt about our world. Even after that wonder was dimmed I would have been fascinated, but underlying it all would have been a nagging sense (emanating from secularism) that such an encounter was only a random accident and consequently, without real meaning.

Now I know there isn't a chance that my encounter with the tidepool sculpin was by chance! It was orchestrated by God, and all I had to do was take time and solitude to listen to Him and look for things that He wanted to show me!

As I turned to make my way back home that evening, my heart wasn't filled with pain that this brief glimpse of beauty was over and that I had to return to the grind of daily living. Rather, my heart was filled with joy and praise to the God who lives in me and is always with me! This is a glimpse of relationship with God, which we so often hear about but sometimes find so elusive, even to those of us who want it.

...seek, and you will find... (Matt 7:7)

The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it; (Psalms 24:1)